So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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