tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
