You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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