Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
