$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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