She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
