So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
