Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
