I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
