Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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