glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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