Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
