i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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