So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Life is so much better after having sex.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
