I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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