Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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