just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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