Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
