My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
