This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
