This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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