i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bring money and cleavage
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
