Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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