we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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