ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
