your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
