I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We got so high we made milksteak
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
