You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
