the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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