i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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