Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
