If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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