she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
