On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
