Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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