where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is not my ceiling
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
