Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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