Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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