So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
