Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
