Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
