I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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