I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
