idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
