Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
