OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
