omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
