I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
