Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
