Having a random hookup so left but love u
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
