She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
